Nice Is A Four Letter Word

It should come with a warning

Hello,

It’s Sunita here.

It’s nice to be thought of as nice.

But over the years, as I became more self aware, I started to connect the need to being called nice to being a trap.

nice

/nīs/

adjective

1. 1.

   pleasant; agreeable; satisfactory.

Maybe it’s a gender based expectation that entraps women to be less than they are?

Maybe it’s a crumb that our culture gives out generously to all individuals in exchange for our buy in to something, or someone, despite our misgivings.

Maybe it’s a way we are asked to give up our zest, opinions and individuality.

Context is key in every conversation we have.

So, in what contexts do I call ‘nice’ out?

I call out ‘nice’ when it asks us to surrender our opinions.

I call out ‘nice’ when it demands we be meek and docile.

I call out ‘nice’ when it requires us to agree with and go along with decisions that incense us.

I call out ‘nice’ when it unilaterally assigns us the peace maker role in our circle.

I call out ‘nice’ when it silences us.

I call out ‘nice’ when it takes away our confidence to ask for what we need.

I call out ‘nice’ when it applauds us for not making make waves.

I call out ‘nice’ when it allows us only flimsy or non existent boundaries with others.

I call out ‘nice’ when it means we must give way more than we receive. Always.

I call out ‘nice’ when it hands out approval only if we go along with what’s expected of us.

I call out ‘nice’ when it gives us the disease of people pleasing.

Kumbaya! I promise I won’t make it awkward while you keep on being a jerk. I will remain ‘nice’ Photo credit Evan Sangush

I call out ‘nice’ when it withholds social inclusion when we express our anger, disappointment, or disapproval.

I call out ‘nice’ when we feel we can’t call out someone else’s poor behavior/unfair advantage and bullying.

I call out ‘nice’ when we feel we must lie about our feelings in order to be seen as being nice.

I feel the usage of the word nice is sheer laziness.

And often times it’s weaponized and traded for our authentic selves.

Here are a few other words we can use to acknowledge the merit of others, and comment on their specific, admirable, and respect worthy traits.

Kind. Charitable. Courageous. Resourceful. Enjoyable. Smart. Generous. Polished. Gregarious. Thoughtful. Funny. Encouraging. Helpful. Charming. Delightful. Good. Moral. Courteous. Friendly. Honorable. Polite. Likeable. Consensus builder. Inclusive. Cheer leader. Inspiring. Motivating. Truthful. Strong. Zen. Present. Caring. Empathetic. Listener. Harmonious. Loyal. Modest. Humble. Effective. Conscientious. Diligent. Reliable. Wise.

Here are some descriptions I will take any day over being called nice, if that involves a trade off that strips me of my strengths, voice, talents and innate personality traits.

Disrupter. Questioner. Brave. Truthful. Change maker. Honest. Bold. Forthcoming. Challenger. Truth teller. Difficult (if asked to be someone I’m not). Confident. Bold. Dynamic. Contrarian. Risk taker. Daring. Curious. Go Getter. Ambitious. Determined. Visionary. Innovator. Focused. Firm. Uncompromising. Single minded. Leader. Learner. Impatient. Opinionated. Defiant. Unapologetic. Bossy. Particular.

Once I worked on letting go of the need to be known as nice, I actually found time to put in effort to becoming nice in ways that made me feel good inside.

External approval became secondary to me.

My priority has now shifted from pleasing others to making sure I am doing my best every day to honor my true self, find joy, and use my highest self to serve others.

Don’t get me wrong. I want to be the nicest person I possibly can be at any given moment.

But I approach it now with nuance and specificity. And with a critical mind that sets intention to what I choose to do.

Kind. Charitable. Smart. Courageous. Resourceful. Enjoyable. Smart. Generous. Polished. Gregarious. Thoughtful. Funny. Encouraging. Helpful. Charming. Delightful. Good. Moral. Courteous. Friendly. Honorable. Polite. Likeable. Consensus builder. Inclusive. Encouraging. Cheer leader. Inspiring. Motivating. Truthful. Strong. Zen. Present. Caring. Empathetic. A great listener. Harmonious. Loyal.

I also unapologetically continue my growth in directions that my true self has revealed to me.

Disrupter. Questioner. Brave. Truthful. Change maker. Honest. Bold. Forthcoming. Challenger. Truth teller. Difficult (if asked to be someone I’m not). Confident. Bold. Dynamic. Contrarian. Risk taker. Daring. Curious. Go Getter. Ambitious. Determined. Visionary. Innovator. Focused. Firm. Uncompromising. Single minded. Leader. Learner. Impatient. Opinionated. Defiant. Unapologetic.

nice

/nīs/

adjective

1. 1.

pleasant; agreeable; satisfactory.

I guess it’s okay to be pleasant and agreeable; and accepting of a satisfactory life.

But that’s not where I am now.

I want to live in ‘full thrive mode’ and ‘full true me form’.

Unapologetically!

So, I’m passing on being recognized as being nice. For me, nice is a four letter word that has the potential to be a trap.

You can make your own decision on whether nice should come with a warning.

*For those amongst us who have a hard time negating the opinion of others, find it difficult to ask for what they need, and are struggling to live freely as who they truly are;

Here is a classic, well researched and useful resource.

The Disease to Please by Harriet B Braiker, PhD*

Until next time,

Moving forwards,

Sunita