Besotted.

Delight Is A Noble Affection. Not a Narcissistic Indulgence.

Hello,

It’s Sunita here.

Seeing children laugh and play with no inhibitions is a sight to behold.

I can’t think of another joy that lights up a soul more than witnessing humans, young or old, experiencing deep delight in being who they are, unburdened by the impact of life’s hardships and indignities.

DELIGHT- It's contagious!

Whether this spontaneous delight lasts for an afternoon, a day, or has become their way of showing up in the world, it’s contagious.

Our ability to have such delight flood through our mind- body-soul on a Just Because I Am basis is sometimes impaired. Today, I will not delve into the variety of reasons why. Today is about reclaiming that joy.

It’s one thing is to intellectually know we deserve to feel great about ourselves.

It’s another thing to experience it in our bones.

That’s okay. We face a few barriers to owning such experiences.

• We have been conditioned to judge ourselves (harshly) and live in a world that is hyper focused on self improvement so, we start to believe we are deficient as opposed to being worthy of self discovery and growth.

• We have been handed down attitudes that associate delight in one’s self with arrogance. Words we hear thrown around to describe being besotted with one’s self range from being conceited, pretentious, boastful, cocky, egotistical, brash, over confident, haughty, and worst of all, narcissistic.

• We have been instructed to be humble (with all the right intentions) and encouraged to keep our head down as we navigate life.

It took me long time to regain my ability to celebrate myself in ways that are instinctive and healthy. I now connect to my pilot light that was dimmed, but never able to be fully extinguished.

Within me, unseen by others, lies my original beauty and worth.

So does yours.

This inherent value of ours has nothing to do with how smart we are, or how accomplished, wealthy or talented we are.

It is a gift of energy of the purest type that transcends time and place.

We all possess such astonishing vitality that is powerful and uniquely ours. Overflowing with mystery, wonder, beauty and love, we must reclaim it to make it the instrument with which we create the life of our dreams.

Sometimes, we need help to be able to see our invisible pilot light.

I found writing to be of tremendous help in that mission.

Not writing stuff that was based on my conscious thoughts but jotting down whatever crossed my mind at that time in relation to a prompt that appeared to me spontaneously. And then piecing together what my unconscious mind conjured up.

Here is one such journal entry from Fall, 2019.

My brain was making meaning from the words that came to rest on the page.

In conjunction with the work that had been transpiring in my trauma therapy, I created practices for myself that continued to change my brain. The goal was (and is as this is a practice) to change my learned patterns of viewing myself through the lens of others to instinctively experience myself in ways that don’t get edited by me.

Imagine my surprise when I began to feel celestial.

Going back to my original state of being was a leap of faith but I soon started showing up for myself with a sacredness that transcended the limits of time. It was there that I fell in love with myself. Again.

These days I twirl. I sashay. I high five myself. I routinely use words like wow, amazing, sacred, precious, noble, and one of a kind for myself.

I am besotted with myself. This delight is a state of being. It’s a flow of energy. It’s not showy. It’s quiet. It’s unshakeable. It’s embedded within me.

I experience such delight without feeling compelled or feel any need to offer myself reason for my giddiness. Nor does it bring me guilt or shame.

Does it happen 24/7 and under every circumstance?

Absolutely not.

I am still prone to presenting myself with unrealistic expectations and have high standards in pretty much everything I do, which tends to interfere with this flow.

But knowing that not only do I deserve to feel unconditional self love, but am entitled to it helps me relax, and additionally fuels my efforts to achieve my goals.

Doesn’t such self celebration lead me to becoming lazy and self indulgent?

Absolutely not.

On the contrary, the splendor of self love, self worth and self belief fuels my journey with much cleaner energy, as opposed to the previous self inflicted, punitive force of pursuing goals because I did not feel I was enough.

There’s a world of difference between the two.

Doesn’t this focus on myself make me selfish and self absorbed?

Absolutely not.

It energizes me to care about others in ways that respects their sacredness. My experience has taught me that we can only see others clearly when we know ourselves well. Accepting my own light has helped me see the light in others.

*Important to note*-

I did not create this space of delight easily, or by myself.

Because of my history of developmental trauma, it took me partnering with experienced mental health professionals, work to change my habitual brain patterns of self criticism and self sabotage through neuroplasticity, also known as neural plasticity or brain plasticity, (a process that involves adaptive structural and functional changes to the brain), being loved deeply by my friends and family, and a continuous and ongoing commitment to the practice of mindful self awareness.

If you are having a tough time finding grace and love for yourself, here are

AS- Actionable Suggestions.

• Speak to someone you trust and ask them if they have noticed you regularly putting yourself down. Or exaggerating your self worth.

• Start paying attention to the language you use (in your head during self talk and in the external world with others.) Is it negative? Word are the signals coming from our unconscious mind and they give us clues of how we view ourselves.

• Do a ‘Word Exercise’ with the prompt Self. Write down whatever comes to your mind at that time. Try not to edit yourself or choose words that you think are ‘better’. See what words appear spontaneously and then piece together what your unconscious mind offered you. Read it after a few days. Then again after a week or two. You will gain more insight with the passage of time.

• Consider therapy if you feel far removed from your pilot light (That’s how I started on this journey) and recognize you have felt that way for a while, or perhaps for as long as you can remember.

If feeling delight in and about ourselves is not a regular occurrence, then we have to know that’s not normal.

And to be clear, this delight is not accompanied by apologies or justifications.

Nor do we have to qualify in any way to feel worthy of it.

This delight is free and ours to experience without the need to earn it. It is an expression of our unique and special worth as a human being.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

-Rumi

Until next time,

Moving forwards,

With wishes that you twirl and sashay into the coming week,

Sunita